It wasn’t difficult for Smita to guess what was going on her 15 years old son Rohit’s mind, she knew the immature and excitements of teenagers very well,she had seen her younger brothers go through it, her daughters go through it and now her son was going to become the lost in his own world, for few years at least. She knew the response if she would ask him to accompany her to a movie. She turned around from his room’s door without knocking.

She picked the litter from the dining table and stopped as she crossed the mirror over the wash basin. She gazed at the 52 year old woman staring back at her, hair like a wrongly painted zebra crossing, tired eyes with dark circles, wrinkle lines that were much settled and not lured by any anti-wrinkle creams anymore. For a second she didn’t recognize the woman, in her mind her self image was still the one when she was 20 something. If someone had known her only by her thoughts, they would’ve guessed her to be 20 something only. She still had aspirations, much to learn, wish to travel, wanted to enjoy life.

Smita had lived a life for others. It was nothing new; all Indian women did live for others, their parents, their husband, their kids right?

The ringing phone got her out of her mind talks and wandering thoughts.

“Hi Maa. Tanisha here. How are you?”

Tanisha was her eldest daughter; she was living in Bangalore for the last 2 years and working in a Garments Export company. Tanisha had turned 24 last month and interfering questions about her marriage plans had already begun in the relatives. But Smita never pushed her daughter, she was the living example of girls getting married off early as soon as they could and she till date regretted it.

“I’m good. How have you been? Why didn’t you pickn my call yesterday Tanisha? I tried many times” Smita sounded worried as she almost relived the panic state when the girls didn’t pick her call.

“Oh yeah. I was at a office party. I didn’t hear it ringing. Anyways, so I’m coming next weekend ok, so tell Priya to be around ok.”

“ That’s great! How many days are you gonna come for? I hope you’re not planning any trips while you’re in Delhi? And then ..”

“Maa, I got to go. I’ll call you later ok. Bye and take care. And give my love to Rohit. Bye”

Before Smita could finish her questions or even say Bye, the call was disconnected from the other end.

Priya was lazing in her room when Smita entered. Priya was her younger daughter. She was studying Economics at college. She had always been the studious one, always first in her class, scholarship holder and now the college fees was also funded, giving one less reason for Smita to worry about, as she had already invested much of the saving’s into Tanisha’s expensive fashion college. Priya had also always been very close to her father and ever since he passed away in a tragic car accident 5 years back, she had become more distant from her mother.

Smita’s had learnt to talk to herself, she almost felt like two people in one body and sometimes two minds too.

‘Isn’t this what your life has always been about? Others? Worry, love, happiness, hurt! Everything for others!’ said the inner voice.

Smita had also gotten used to hushing the voice and carrying on with her job at hand.

Smita asked Priya the usual questions,

‘How are studies’,

‘Do you need some money?’,

‘Should I get something for you to eat?’.

The usual quick short replies were very clear that she wanted to be alone and study. Having Priya in the house was just as silent as when Smita was alone.

She now gave thought to the voice, it was actually true, she’d lived her life for others always! What they wanted, what they thought she wanted, never about herself.

But she had known it mostly all along and had never found reasons enough to do otherwise.

With a silent conservation between her analyzing opinions and the voice, she moved to her room.

She liked the color pale blue, but her room walls were lemon yellow. The minimalist of a room’s requirements were all there, a double bed, a dressing table with unused kits and packets, a wooden almirah, a wooden chest that she had since the time of her marriage. A new addition had been made to the room 3 months earlier, Priya’s computer, it added a luxury element look to the room, Smita had thought. Priya had her exams next week onwards and she didn’t want any distractions.

When the computer was places in Smita’s room, she felt a good ring to it. She looked up the Vastu book in the shelf to find if that was the reason, she couldn’t find it. She realized that it was simply ‘something new’ to her space of solitude. She enrolled for a Basic Computer education program at NIIT for two weeks. After Priya and Rohan would leave for studies, she attended the classes.

She had heard about Internet Chatting a lot, Priya and her friends would talk about meeting some boys there and then actually going to meet them personally. She had also read about Matrimony sites as many of the relatives were suggesting it for Tanisha. After the course was complete she had decided to practice it. She had called the internet provide and got the set up done. She opened the Internet Chatting site and it asked for a room you want to join. She saw the list to be selected from and found Culture to be most appropriate.

“I can discuss Culture, it’s a good topic” she had thought.

Her first few attempts at chatting had made her head spin and mouth open in shock.

Some guys were asking “her size” and “if she would like to see their equipment”.

She had almost given up on it, had there not been the ‘Hi. How are you’ message from “ComingToIndiaSoon”. She responded in scare of getting a cheap reply with some horrible questions, instead what she received was a decent reply. She got talking to “ComingToIndiaSoon” and found that his name was Ajay, he was 55 years old bachelor, living in California, United States for last 30 years, and planning to come back to India.

She became a regular at the chatting with Ajay . They exchanged emails when they were not online. They talked about everything, family, home, parents, old memories of school and college, travel experiences and yes culture too. They exchanged pictures. He complimented her as “Beautiful and graceful”. She enjoyed telling him about her day and her children. He never had any children and loved to hear all about them. He appreciated her daily chores, her sincerity to it, and her values. She liked to know a man who was honest and down to earth, who wasn’t full of himself and his ego.

He became her friend. She had never had any male friends before; there had been

acquaintances, relatives, husbands of her friends, but never her friends. The last

three months of her life had ‘something new’ in it.

She switched on the computer and opened her email. A new mail from Ajay, she opened to read:

Hi Smita,

How have you been? I’m sorry I wasn’t available last few days as I had some urgent work to attend to. How are the kids doing?

I have some great news to tell you. I am moving to India in next month. I am very excited about it. Like I have been telling you since we met, that I wanted to move back to India. It’s finally happening. Also, there is a reason I am much excited about  Meeting you! I hope you will give me the chance.

I have also been thinking about asking you something, but never gathered the courage. Will you give me the honor to be part of my life forever and be my better half? Will you and the children accept me into your family?

I’m sure this is a lot for you to think about and I don’t want to put any pressure on you, but promise that you will think about it. I will meet you in India next.

Hope to see you soon!

Warm Regards,

Ajay

Smita’s face lit with the broadest smile and a rush of cold went down her spine.

She sat still in the chair for an hour, smiling and re-reading the email a

hundred times.

She didn’t know how or when, what would she tell the children, and what would her relatives say. But this time she knew what she wanted, for herself for the first time and she had a reason too!

but we all want it all,

to be loved with a heart

so selfless and adored

To be taken care of

no matter how old

to be waited for

until the wee hours

To connect, be together

like you’ve been this way forever

to know that they know you

more than even you know

Share some secret smiles

feel that special touch

knowing you can find them with eyes closed

just by the fragrance you love so much

some say some don’t

but we all want to be loved

like we’ve never been loved before

we all want that love,

we cannot live without & die for.

I see what I want
I reach out to reach
it slips away
within seconds, it seems miles away
Is the world at a faster pace?
I see myself held again
and I stand still..

Day and nights, are they different?
nothing new, it’s all the same
I feel it moving through my veins
like a slow poison of the kind
that neither kills nor lets live
the venom of past kills my today, everyday!
even the nothing in me, now stands still

It’s a curse, these memories
they need to be forgotten
burned & buried dreams need to be dead
they haunt me everyday
like it was just today

With the horror and fear engraved on my heart
and a blurring vision of ends and starts
I can see the hourglass of my life about to stop
And I stand still..yet again

Listen to me, read my lips
bring on the destiny and the unseen
take away all that isn’t present
let me take a step to a new begining
Coz no more can I bear the pain
to stand still ..alone again

A few better words to spell

To open up my heart

to show you the feel

reach you, touch you

I’d say, you’d feel

If I had, a few better words to spell

Closer than when we touch

more real than what you see

deeper than what I say I feel

It could make everything be

If only I could pick, 

A few better words to speak

Sinking in, living within

every phrase from me

They’d keep us together

tied in strings unseen

A few better words, if I could read

Bring hope & love

tears of joy

warmth & peace

assuring I’m there

A few better words, if I had to make you believe

Get a smile to your lips

meet your eyes with my stare

Making the moment alive

break out of those ties

of distance and spaces.

Leaving just you and me

And a few better words, if only I could keep.

I see clearly

feeling my heart and yours

It makes me warm , this cold

Ice cold nose tips

chiselled cheeks

cold hands and feet

Yet, it makes me warm, this cold

Its love, only love

romancing breezes

naughty fogs

games of love

its real, it’s a dream

Whisper to me, stay close

hold my hand

share a snuggle

I’ll make you warm in this cold

Hopeless and silly

young and lazy

every hope comes to life

it makes me warm, this cold.

It wasn’t planned
not in my head till then
But when the moment came
It all just happened

No a count to it
nor ticking clock did capture
a moment became a memory
in that very moment

My arms closed around your neck
or your lips pressed against mine
it’s still not clear if I close my eyes
as to what came first

My eyes were closed
but I wanted to see
how you were when it was ‘we’
and not just ‘u’ or ‘me’

Slow and soft
our lips were locked
like all had stopped
and only that it was meant to be

Our senses heightened
with every touch
wanting more & more of it
in those moments of love

We were closely knitted
like pieces of a puzzle
when the doors opened
of the elevator

my cheeks felt blushed
and eyes were shy
we moved out quietly
hands entwined

Chapter 1

It was a celebration day for everyone at Ella Fashion Export House, with the successful end of the ‘India Fashion Expo Mart’ week and with new clients flowing in, David, Country Head, India, had thrown a party for all whose sweat and blood now deserved some alcohol & music. It was rare kind of a response from David, but after 4 months of preparation and two sleepless weeks, no one had the energy left to bitch anymore. Now it was party time.

Annya left the magnificent fashion show as soon as it was over. She felt too tired to party and went home. As she closed her eyes wishing sweet slumber, her phone rang loudly.
“Hi David”
“Annya, where are you?”
“I left after the show. Didn’t want to disturb, you seemed busy with all the clients and compliments.”
“Well, yes that’s true. So I’m seeing you at the party right?”
“Uhh, David it’s been a long week. I think I’ll pass.”
“No excuses. We work together and celebrate together. You know it’s at ‘F2’ right? See ya”
‘Well, ya ..I’
She dropped dead on her bed and woke up 4 hours later. It was 9pm, she quickly went through her closet and pulled a hot red dress, sexy and classy, the color flaunting her skin tone and the fabric hugging her at all the right places. The sleep had been good for Annya, her fair and now slightly tanned face was glowing. Her naturally chestnut brown hair fell gloriously over her shoulder asking not to be disturbed. She began getting the grove of the thumping music. This was one of the trademarks of Delhi’s nightclubs, they fill the room till you can’t even hear your own voice and she loved that. She got vodka with orange juice; it was the combination of good and bad together that had always attracted her and still did. The dance floor was crowded with lovers lost in each others eyes. She had been one of them once and now the site disgusted her, she smirked at them calling them fools who would soon be shaken by the reality. She felt suffocated like there wasn’t enough air in the room for her only and walked out to the balcony.
A hand tapped at her shoulder and she almost shrieked and was relieved to find it was Sherrie.
‘David’s making an important announcement. Get in.’
She joined the at the end crowd that was around David. After the ‘good work team’ speech, David said he had an announcement.
‘I want everyone to meet our new Fashion Photographer, Mr. Keith Thompson.’
She stood still like a statue and felt David pulling her by her arm to the center of the crowd.
‘And Annya is our new Senior Designer. Keith, Annya will also help you around. All the best and now lets party’
‘Hi Annya’
That voice, soft yet powerful, it cut through her skin. She turned around with her most controlled look and saw his face. He was still the same, deep soulful eyes, shining brown hair, almost perfect look with only a slightly crooked smile, which made him even better than perfect. She didn’t believe her eyes; she blinked and found him still there. It wasn’t her illusion, this was real. He was right beside her and she felt her knees go weak. How could he still control her and have such an impact on her? She believed she had moved on and grown stronger and immune to these stray and helpless feelings, only till now. She tried to breathe calmly and speak, but she lost the words. She turned away and released her stopped breath and her body shivered.

She got home with his voice in her ears and his face in her eyes. What now? She thought. She got into her quilts, but sleep and peace had left her behind. She lay there with eyes wide open and her mind drifted to 2 years back.

Chapter 2
She was a Fashion Design student at the International Fashion Institute, New Delhi. It was her dream career taking the first step into reality. She met Keith at her ‘Fresher’s Party’. He was a year senior & was studying Fashion Photography. She knew there were many hearts waiting for him, but he had chosen her for the ‘Senior’s Choice’ dance. They talked about their homes, ambitions & music choice. They laughed the entire night and her heart felt like it has met the one she deserved.

She remembered the night she had lost her virginity to him. They had been dating for 2 month now. After a tiring party they went back to his place. They had made out before, but it was when he moved his lips to the back of her neck that it started to take a different way. She made soft noises and he couldn’t stop himself. Like he was an addict and she his drug. She caressed his hair and their hands moved over each others bodies. He kissed her forehead and cheeks and eyes and lips. He was owning her, every part of her. He swept her off her feet and placed her on the couch, He locked her lips and his hands moved swiftly as he unbuttoned her shirt. She was wearing a blue lace bra, he kissed her breasts that were now puffed above the elastic seem and her soft moans told him she was loving it and wanted more. He slipped a hand below her back and unhooked her in seconds, He undid his shirt and lay over her now. She could feel him getting hard below. He teased her nipples till they became hard, she moaned now softly taking his name every time. He kissed her stomach and slipped out her trousers. He undid himself and put himself between her legs. She could feel him now and her hips started to rise. He kissed her lips and her breasts till her voice grew loud. Then, he took off the last pair of clothing that separated them, slipped on a condom and entered her. He moved with force and yet not hurting her, he pushed a little more into her every time, till he reached her depth and felt her entirely. She called his name again and again, her back was arched and legs tied around his waist. He moved fast and powerfully and then came in her. He rested his weight on her; they were out of breath and flushed red. Her hands spread over his back. This was the first and many more such nights had come.

The two years went by in a snap of fingers, running between deadlines and being at each others place every night. She always teased him that her family wouldn’t approve of him ever. After his final term, it was his last week before he left for his home to the States. She had another 6 months of internship to complete. They spent the entire week together, making love, chatting, laughing and making future plans. They couldn’t imagine a day without each other and this would be killing. He promised he’d call every single day and would be back before she knew it. He left with kisses and promises and she waited with hopes and memories.

He never called again. She tried his number, send emails, send letters but there was no response. She woke up till odd hours to find him online, but he never was. She didn’t understand. How could he do this? Why? Had he never loved her? Was it all fake? She tried for 5 months, till her family and friends told her to move on. She decided it was the last time she had thought of him. She had deleted all her e-mail & online accounts and had changed her number and address so she wouldn’t be reachable even if he wanted to. She would not wait anymore.

A year later, she got a request from him on facebook, his picture showed him in tucks with arms around a lady in a wedding gown. She couldn’t bear to hear anything about him, leave alone the news of his happy marriage. She had immediately discarded all traces that would find her.

Chapter 3
Lying on the bed those feelings and emotions stormed inside her and she was in tears again. She woke up in the morning with her eyes puffy and pillow still wet. She didn’t know what she was going to do but this was her life and now she would not let him spoil it, not again!

She managed the entire day without facing Keith, she was in meetings, out for lunch and at the showroom. Her last work for the day was to get David sign some papers. She rushed to her cabin and picked up the files in a hurry and they fell down. She sat down on her knees to pick the files and aw his hands helping her. Her heartbeat went slow, her face tightened and her mind was growing numb every second.
‘Will you never look at me?’
She looked up and replied in a monotone ‘I’m sorry Keith, if there is anything work related you may ask, else please leave’
‘But I want to talk to you, I have to apologize and tell you what happened, please just hear me out once. Just once Please!
She started walking towards the door.
‘I love you Annya, Please wait’
She had heard the words after so many years and wanted to believe them but couldn’t. He came and stood before her now and held her by her arms.
‘I know I have been gone long and you have all the reasons to be mad. But please just hear me out once’
‘Okay, I have only 5 minutes. Hurry up’
‘Listen, after my flight landed and I had my luggage checking, they found drugs in my bag. I was arrested and put in jail. My parents came down and tried their best to get me out but we had no proof it wasn’t mine. I knew if I called you then your parents would know and they would never approve me. After a year when the ‘Delhi Drug scandal’ happened, it was found that the person caught had been on the same flight that I was had come in and I was proved innocent. After I got out, I tried to reach you, but your number had changed. I wrote so many letters to you, so many emails but there was no response. Believe me I tried to find you. ,But I could not come back as my father got very ill and was on bed rest, I had to take care of his business and my family. After I settled things to manageable I decided to find you and tell you everything. Annya I love as I always did, Everyday I thought of you a million times. I still do.

Tears were running from her cheeks, she never believed in destiny and now she had to.
‘So you’re not married? The picture on your facebook account?’
‘That’s my sister in law. My younger brother got married last summer and that is what kept from getting me here last summer itself. ‘
‘So you’re not married? And you didn’t run away. But you could have come to find me, Oh your dad, but then why and you thought of my parents, I was just teasing you.’

Her feet felt unsteady.

He took her in his arms. He held her till she fell calm. He looked in her eyes and touched her cold cheeks. He took her face with his hands and pressed his lips to hers. Her heart came alive again and the pain was gone. The time had stopped and all was forgiven, her love was back, forever to be hers.

It was 3:45 pm and I was waiting at the reception lounge area, with the food still in my stomach and my digestive system deciding to crash and not read (accept) any input, my hair placed all over my shoulders (though I had just brushed them) and feeling like tearing off these uncomfortable formal shirt and trousers, the all I could do was sit there, pretending to be the most composed and trying so hard to stick my tummy in, which I thought might stop the jiggling but only made it worse.

This was the time after my two days of grilling round of interviews at ‘ESC Ltd.’ was over and I was waiting for the final results. I had my fingers crossed and all I could do was wait, one of the hardest things to do for me. This was soon to be added to my ‘the first-time’ list, which I only have stored in memory drive and maintain no hard or soft of same.

I had finished my college in June and took a 2 month course to get into the easiest part of the ‘IT;’ world – testing. My interview or should I say interviews has been stretched over two days, the first day was very smooth and I was asked about everything I knew. I walked out with confidence and triumph. I was happy and a little nervous about ‘what’s next?’ It was later that I found nervous was a very small word compared to what I was up for.

It was the technical interview to be taken by a manager, I reached on time and waited for 2 hours until he reached, the co-coordinator told me that his cab was late and so he will come late. This made think of only one thing, ‘his mood’, its like they say about your board examinations, if your examiner is in a good mood you get all your marks, else you’re screwed and no one can help you. It’s strange but many things are dependent on the ‘mood’ of others, here I was the lamb to be butchered. Before the manager arrived, I called Rahul, my college senior and now an employee at ‘ESCLtd.’ Rahul was a total ‘asshole’, apart from the fact that he looked like shit and had a good sense of humor, he was an out and out flirt (I don’t think there are any other types though), anyways, so he came to meet me and gotme a print out of the kind of questions I might be asked. Now this is the first thing that struck me, ‘a print out of what the other person usually has on his mind when taking interviews’, mind it wasn’t all written down somewhere, it was all collected data, put together from a person’s mind onto a print out. Silly I thought, but as long as it helps it’s good.

I sat there listening to Rahul, this was probably the  second longest conversation I had with him, the first being my ragging, when he stood only 2 feet away from my face and asked me ‘ Do I want to make any boyfriends in  college?’ andwhen I said ‘no’, he asked ‘ what do you think you’ll do in this forest place by yourself’ to which my response came even before I could think ‘ what would I do in this place with the boyfriend?’. Sounds as stupid as it did earlier. So Rahul told me all about the organization and how to brag and show off (which he is an expert at) and then he left me after encouragement, which I didn’t seem to require then but that was only till I had met the interviewer.

He was a short, dwarf if I may say kin dof man, visibly balding, wearing a blank expression anda pair of glasses on his face (you’ll find the most common part of techy people was glasses). He kept a French beard and let me tell you, didn’t even come close to looking like French. He called me into the interview room and asked me to sit. The room was the size of a cubicle, it was brightly lit and there were some artificial plants at one corner. Now why do we need the artificial flowers, it just adds up to the inhuman feeling the place has, like everything needs to perfect at all times, the people, the work, the flower. God! Well I was trying so hard to be calm. He asked for my resume and I passed it to him. It tookhim only 10 seconds to spot my weakness out of it and throw it in front of me.

“C huh? You have done a project in C”,

I couldn’t decide whether it was a question or comment, I answered anyways

“well yes, but it was long time back, I think in my first year”.

He looked at me with the same blank expression and I knew this wasn’t going to be easy at all.

“Anyways” he said “you always remember the basics”,

I was again not sure of the question or comment dilemma and started slurring.

“Yes, but I’ve not, you know haven’t much and “

”Can you tell me the……………………………………?” ,

So what should I answer ‘I can’t', I tried to remember the word he was using, what it was and how I could say anything, just anything related to it, but my mind and otherwise sharp memory failed. I thought no point embarrassing yourself anymore, just be honest.

“Actually I don’t remember C, haven’t been in touch. I have done a course for testing and you can ask me anything about it”, there I threw a challenge at him and he didn’t even listen to what I said.

He went through my resume again and caught my second lie, “So you did training for Website applications?”

I blabbered immediately “Yes, it was only for 6 weeks, we only got to do documentation work”

“What documentation”

“Like we got the text that was supposed to be on the site and we needed to cross check if it was correctly uploaded”

He gave me that look, that lookyou give someone who is holding a pair of stilettos and calling it chappals, that look. I was holding on to my confidence, yes these are chappals, definitely!

“Ok” he said

“So, tell me the format that is used for all the documentations of websites”

“Format? We used to get the document in word only”

“Word?, no – no there is a format used for dot net files documentation tell me that”

“I don’t remember, we only got word file and had to compare them to the actual text on site”

“Its ‘text’ format, that is the only format used”

“Oh, ok” I said, like I had learned something new and will never forget it. We ll actually I didn’t forget it but it never helped me either.

“Do you know SQL?”

“Yes” I answered so confidently and regretted it the next minute.

He moved onto asking me many other questions on databases and SQL, he used terms I has once heard, learnt, scrabbled on the paper and forgotten for good. This is how I had completed my B.Tech. Learning the toughest subject and mastering it, teaching it to everyone (made me revise it thoroughly), pass my exam with good marks and then I would just forget it all. Notintentionally but it wasn’t my interest that’s all. If you ask me about a book I had read years back it will only take 2 mins to tell you what it was. The irony of my life an artistic software Engineer I am, and the two (artist and engineer) near seem to meet.

After about asking me many questions which I only answered half or quarters and sometime murmured the question again and again pretending to know but have forgotten, I think he got tired too.  He moved to other reasoning questions and asked me all types of puzzles, some I solved some I didn’t, he finally took my challenge that I placed earlier and moved to testing. He gave me scenario to fetch all cases we would test and said he would be back in 5 minutes. I looked at the question and completed it. This is how I have been all my life, master at the present skill and forgetting all my past ones. He came back and cross questioned the relevance of my answer. He couldn’t find one wrong and told me that we’ll meet again in an hour and I could take my lunch. Ya as if I could eat anything now. Anyways before leaving the room he also said with the same blank expression on his face ‘ I wouldn’t have called you again, if you hadn’t got this right” and left the room.

My heartbeat slowed down and hunger died (i hate not to want ot eat). I knew I was on the border and now I had to make it to the other side. I moved out of the room and went to the reception area. I dialed Farique’s number and told him I was free for lunch. AS soon as I disconnected the call Ravi‘s number flashed on my cell. Just his name was enough to make me feel disgusted and yet I picked the call, this was one day I was fooling myself, behaving like all those selfish people who pretend to be polite while they actually hate you, I felt little disgusted and helpless at the same time.

“You over with the interview”, even his voice sounded cheap to me.

“Ya, we’ have one more round after lunch”

“Ok, is  Fariquejoining you for lunch”

“Yes, he’ll be her in 5 minutes”

“Ok, lets go someplace nice, I hate the food here’

Crap he’s going to come with us for lunch, dealing with him for another hour, another hour was guilt, disgust and helplessness.

“Ya sure”

“Alright, I’ll be there in a second” and yes he hardly took a second to reach to me.

I gave a sheepish smile, the kind when you want to slap the first person who comes in front of you and blame them for the wrong in your life.

” So how did it go?”

“ok, not great actually too many technical questions nothing about testing”

“well the manager will ask technical questions only, whats wrong you look so gloomy”

“Nothing” I said, I wished it has gone well” I really didn’t want to talk and not to him at least.

” its not over right now, I know you’ll get through”" what did the guy say before you left?”

 “He said because you answered the last one correctly that’s why I am calling you for 2nd round”

“Really?” he was half smiling and half sympathizing. Jerk!

“Ya,” I said. Why did I always have to be so honest, why didn’t I lie or just say something and made the question disappear.

“So what you havethe next round na”

“Hmm”

We went downstairs and Farique was there. He asked me how it went and I repeated the same conversation as with rahul.

“Its gona be ok” he said

“So what do you want to eat?”

“I don’t know you guys decide”

“I can’t have pizza” Rahul said

“So then what?”

“You say”

“Anything will do”

“Ok, I’ll order some pau bhaji and some sandwiches for you”

“Ya that’s fine”

The guys went away to get the food from the self service cente and i sat there wondering what was coming next. the thought of leaving and running cam to me but that was far more humilating that what i would face.

The next 2 hours of interview were as grilling as earlier, but this time the manager had decided to take the HR questions area, although still maintaining the ‘Blank look’. He moved from ‘strengths’ to ‘weaknesses’ to ‘justify why you should be accepted?’, till i had thoroughly exhausted my impressive vocabulary and was only left with the not-so-impressive words. He decided to stop and said I should wait at the reception for the result. I thanked him politely and he said i needn’t as he will not be the only person to take the decision.

I am Nisha Singh, 22 years old, software test Engineer, part of ESC Ltd from past 15months, single, living with family, drink occassionally, quit smoking, total friends enough to be counted on fingertips, love life has ceased to exist and no matter how much i try to balance the scales of my life, i am always ‘too much’ on either side and this is my story.

This happened when I was 7 years old and studying in boarding school. I really laugh a lot when I think about that night.