Something New by Me
It wasn’t difficult for Smita to guess what was going on her 15 years old son Rohit’s mind, she knew the immature and excitements of teenagers very well,she had seen her younger brothers go through it, her daughters go through it and now her son was going to become the lost in his own world, for few years at least. She knew the response if she would ask him to accompany her to a movie. She turned around from his room’s door without knocking.
She picked the litter from the dining table and stopped as she crossed the mirror over the wash basin. She gazed at the 52 year old woman staring back at her, hair like a wrongly painted zebra crossing, tired eyes with dark circles, wrinkle lines that were much settled and not lured by any anti-wrinkle creams anymore. For a second she didn’t recognize the woman, in her mind her self image was still the one when she was 20 something. If someone had known her only by her thoughts, they would’ve guessed her to be 20 something only. She still had aspirations, much to learn, wish to travel, wanted to enjoy life.
Smita had lived a life for others. It was nothing new; all Indian women did live for others, their parents, their husband, their kids right?
The ringing phone got her out of her mind talks and wandering thoughts.
“Hi Maa. Tanisha here. How are you?”
Tanisha was her eldest daughter; she was living in Bangalore for the last 2 years and working in a Garments Export company. Tanisha had turned 24 last month and interfering questions about her marriage plans had already begun in the relatives. But Smita never pushed her daughter, she was the living example of girls getting married off early as soon as they could and she till date regretted it.
“I’m good. How have you been? Why didn’t you pickn my call yesterday Tanisha? I tried many times” Smita sounded worried as she almost relived the panic state when the girls didn’t pick her call.
“Oh yeah. I was at a office party. I didn’t hear it ringing. Anyways, so I’m coming next weekend ok, so tell Priya to be around ok.”
“ That’s great! How many days are you gonna come for? I hope you’re not planning any trips while you’re in Delhi? And then ..”
“Maa, I got to go. I’ll call you later ok. Bye and take care. And give my love to Rohit. Bye”
Before Smita could finish her questions or even say Bye, the call was disconnected from the other end.
Priya was lazing in her room when Smita entered. Priya was her younger daughter. She was studying Economics at college. She had always been the studious one, always first in her class, scholarship holder and now the college fees was also funded, giving one less reason for Smita to worry about, as she had already invested much of the saving’s into Tanisha’s expensive fashion college. Priya had also always been very close to her father and ever since he passed away in a tragic car accident 5 years back, she had become more distant from her mother.
Smita’s had learnt to talk to herself, she almost felt like two people in one body and sometimes two minds too.
‘Isn’t this what your life has always been about? Others? Worry, love, happiness, hurt! Everything for others!’ said the inner voice.
Smita had also gotten used to hushing the voice and carrying on with her job at hand.
Smita asked Priya the usual questions,
‘How are studies’,
‘Do you need some money?’,
‘Should I get something for you to eat?’.
The usual quick short replies were very clear that she wanted to be alone and study. Having Priya in the house was just as silent as when Smita was alone.
She now gave thought to the voice, it was actually true, she’d lived her life for others always! What they wanted, what they thought she wanted, never about herself.
But she had known it mostly all along and had never found reasons enough to do otherwise.
With a silent conservation between her analyzing opinions and the voice, she moved to her room.
She liked the color pale blue, but her room walls were lemon yellow. The minimalist of a room’s requirements were all there, a double bed, a dressing table with unused kits and packets, a wooden almirah, a wooden chest that she had since the time of her marriage. A new addition had been made to the room 3 months earlier, Priya’s computer, it added a luxury element look to the room, Smita had thought. Priya had her exams next week onwards and she didn’t want any distractions.
When the computer was places in Smita’s room, she felt a good ring to it. She looked up the Vastu book in the shelf to find if that was the reason, she couldn’t find it. She realized that it was simply ‘something new’ to her space of solitude. She enrolled for a Basic Computer education program at NIIT for two weeks. After Priya and Rohan would leave for studies, she attended the classes.
She had heard about Internet Chatting a lot, Priya and her friends would talk about meeting some boys there and then actually going to meet them personally. She had also read about Matrimony sites as many of the relatives were suggesting it for Tanisha. After the course was complete she had decided to practice it. She had called the internet provide and got the set up done. She opened the Internet Chatting site and it asked for a room you want to join. She saw the list to be selected from and found Culture to be most appropriate.
“I can discuss Culture, it’s a good topic” she had thought.
Her first few attempts at chatting had made her head spin and mouth open in shock.
Some guys were asking “her size” and “if she would like to see their equipment”.
She had almost given up on it, had there not been the ‘Hi. How are you’ message from “ComingToIndiaSoon”. She responded in scare of getting a cheap reply with some horrible questions, instead what she received was a decent reply. She got talking to “ComingToIndiaSoon” and found that his name was Ajay, he was 55 years old bachelor, living in California, United States for last 30 years, and planning to come back to India.
She became a regular at the chatting with Ajay . They exchanged emails when they were not online. They talked about everything, family, home, parents, old memories of school and college, travel experiences and yes culture too. They exchanged pictures. He complimented her as “Beautiful and graceful”. She enjoyed telling him about her day and her children. He never had any children and loved to hear all about them. He appreciated her daily chores, her sincerity to it, and her values. She liked to know a man who was honest and down to earth, who wasn’t full of himself and his ego.
He became her friend. She had never had any male friends before; there had been
acquaintances, relatives, husbands of her friends, but never her friends. The last
three months of her life had ‘something new’ in it.
She switched on the computer and opened her email. A new mail from Ajay, she opened to read:
Hi Smita,
How have you been? I’m sorry I wasn’t available last few days as I had some urgent work to attend to. How are the kids doing?
I have some great news to tell you. I am moving to India in next month. I am very excited about it. Like I have been telling you since we met, that I wanted to move back to India. It’s finally happening. Also, there is a reason I am much excited about Meeting you! I hope you will give me the chance.
I have also been thinking about asking you something, but never gathered the courage. Will you give me the honor to be part of my life forever and be my better half? Will you and the children accept me into your family?
I’m sure this is a lot for you to think about and I don’t want to put any pressure on you, but promise that you will think about it. I will meet you in India next.
Hope to see you soon!
Warm Regards,
Ajay
Smita’s face lit with the broadest smile and a rush of cold went down her spine.
She sat still in the chair for an hour, smiling and re-reading the email a
hundred times.
She didn’t know how or when, what would she tell the children, and what would her relatives say. But this time she knew what she wanted, for herself for the first time and she had a reason too!
